I wish you a Mary had a little Christmas tree*

I’ve been all but silent here lately. I wish it wasn’t so. But let me be frank, life is a struggle for us right now. Our Christmas was small this year. But I’m confident it’s one I’ll never forget. It began at 1am, then again at 4am, then another time at 6am before it properly kicked off around 7.30. The prevailing fog of desperate fatigue made it hard to feel festive. But somehow we were able to enjoy a present ceremony, church service, skype conversations and finally a delectable dinner with Chris and Hannah. Christmas traditions were adhered to rather rigidly when I was growing up. And that was good, they were good traditions. But a little flexibility is sometimes a virtue.

This year I didn’t bake lebkuchen or stollen. But I did bake fruit mince pies, with fruit mince I made from scratch. And Delia is right. I’ll probably never reach for the Robertsons again.

I didn’t make Christmas stockings for each family member, but I did buy antique pillow sacks from the flea market, and they looked grand.

I didn’t make a wreath or a dried fruit garland, but I did make potato printed wrapping paper with Rose.

I didn’t have time to make the brandy custard. But Hannah’s pudding was so indescribably delicious that ordinary cream was fine.

I didn’t knit or sew anything for anyone. But I did make homemade Nutella for Tony.

I’ve been hesitant to share this, lest Theodore read it one day and feel sad. Theodore if you’re reading this, please know that we love you. We know it’s not your fault that you cry and cry. It’s not your fault that you can’t seem to sleep, nor even eat, sometimes. We’re tired, so very tired. But we love you, and we always will. Long, long after this phase has passed.

Tony and I watched Meet Me at St Louis last night. Well, some of it anyway. Judy Garland was a strange looking girl. But I couldn’t help noticing these words are somehow very meaningful. For us, this year. So I wrote them down for Tony, in a Christmas card I painted with Rose.

Someday soon, we all will be together
If the fates allow
Until then, we’ll have to muddle through somehow
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now

*The title of Rose’s personal carol


2 Responses to “I wish you a Mary had a little Christmas tree*”

  1. 1 Bec December 25, 2011 at 11:53 pm

    Merry Christmas to you all, we’re glad you hada nice day. We missed you yesterday, Roll on February hey!! We’re praying for Theo and for you guys, that our God will make the sleep you get sufficient and give you His live for each other when yours isn’t quite enough. (something I need regularly too). Rosie and Theo we can’t wait to see you, to give you both big hugs and to watch you play with your cousins. Tyler is always asking for Rose and I’m sure in the not too distant future Levi and Theo will wreak havoc together. Miss and love you both. Looking forward to your next Aussie Christmas!! xxxooo

  2. 2 Lizzie Smith December 31, 2011 at 2:49 am

    Hello my lovely one and those dearest to your heart;
    We are currently packing for Grassy and I had the urge to talk to you. We will leave in the ungodly hours of the morn to beat the traffic….it will be New years morn and no-one on the roads (we hope) Perhaps you will still be awake with Theo…mmm… time rolls by so quickly. It wasn’t all that long ago that we’d,walked the beach back and forth together talking about the Lord…then you asking will I wont I, will we, wont we, are we too young…are we right for each other.. then a wedding had a broken foot and awaited a first baby!!! Now here we are…..only yesterday….Theo has arrived….you are still there… blessings abundant
    James is coming up with his gorgeous girl, Emily. Our Em might come up but only for a few days as she continues to be stalked by the mean cricket of Grassy each year….it persists in sleeping right under her pillow and annoys the hell out of her to the point where she cant sleep at all. Sad to have her memories of Grassy so tarnished by Jimminy.
    Have had the summer time flu so am feeling quite exhausted. Hopefully we will have at least a few sunny Grassy days. Would love to see you but will settle for reading your blog ( thanks)
    Love to you always. cant wait to see your mum and dad next week to catch up on all of the details

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A girl with a camera, a toddler and a sewing machine. Making sense of Germany... and life in general.

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